Why I'm Not Married and I'm OK with It

Real talk ladies. We have all been there when that friend, relative, mentor, or even total stranger gives you that “oh, you’re not married” pity look. Maybe you were healing post break-up, in between boyfriends, or simply choosing to be single for awhile. But, whatever the reason for your plus zero status, other people seem to think they have an open invitation to weigh in on your emotional relationship timetable.

Sometimes they try and redeem their judgement with some words of encouragement like “but, you are so (insert word here) beautiful, smart, successful, blah, blah, blah. But, what you are really saying to us is that you are not comfortable unless I subscribe to how you measure happiness.

Now the thing is, this isn’t done to men. They are simply referred to as bachelors or Peter Pan’s who are focused on living life before they settle down or become a CEO. Why don’t women get that pass? Oh, wait it’s because life would literally not exist if we didn’t give birth and that has an unavoidable expiration date.

But, it’s almost 2020 and thanks to modern medicine there are so many ways that we can have a family. We are getting married later in life in our 30s and even 40s when we know who we are vs our tortured 20s. Most modern relationships include having a conversation not about when we are going to have kids, but whether or not that is something we want.

So why are we still getting that confused puppy head tilt at the wedding singles table and over holiday dinners? Are we really going to box in a woman’s worth by whether she is wearing a blood diamond?

Because I’m not married and I’m ok with it. Why you ask? Well, I don’t need to be given away and take on a man’s name to know that I am worthy of love.

I just want to have a person in my corner. Maybe he’s holding my hand when it needs to be steadied, laughing with me over the things we find funny, and comforting me when life gives us a million reasons to cry. But, he’s with me because we chose each other and we will wake up everyday faced with that choice again and again.

We hope that goes on unchanged for a long time or if we are lucky a lifetime, but if it doesn’t we can thank each other for making the space in our hearts and the time in our lives to love and be loved. Because that’s really all we can ask of another person isn’t it—to simply try?

Abundantly,

BE.