We were all shook during the epic and iconic scene from season 5 of Sex and the City when lead character, Carrie Bradshaw gets broken up with on a post-it. I vividly remember grasping at my own chest as the lump swelled in my throat and I fought back unexpected tears that stung my mesmerized eyes.

The next day morning radio jocks, entertainment reporters, co-workers, friends, and my own mother were all buzzing over the episode. The noise was palpable. It was as though you couldn’t start a conversation that pivotal week in pop culture without dropping your own thoughts and sharing your experience of her total devastation.

Looking back at that time it’s easy to understand why it riveted the world, or at least women age 18-49. We’ve all been there in one way or another. Each of us has had our heart ripped out of our chest in a way that is so painful and often so unexpected that in that moment you wonder if you’ll survive.

I of course would not be reflecting on an almost 15 year old event in pop culture if it didn’t really resonate with me or if Mercury wasn’t retrograde—the last retrograde of this decade too! This time of year hearing those foreboding words can shake people to the core. But, Mercury Retrograde is not to be feared. Yes, it can screw with travel, contracts, communication, electronics, etc. But, when the universe is literally going backwards it is also a beautiful time to look back into the depths of old wounds and old stories and take action so that we can start to heal.

When Mercury went retrograde this time last year, the last person on earth I ever thought I would speak to or hear from again appeared in my inbox. He was what I would consider my first adult relationship. He was also the guy responsible for leaving me with my own version of a cowardly post-it. But, in my case it was a plane ticket direct to Chicago and out of our relationship.

We starting dating when I was just 20. It was a beautiful time in our lives where we were young and had the entire world at our feet. Our chemistry was the definition of electric. We made each other laugh so easily. We had those conversations where the line between where one person begins the other on ends is blurry. Most importantly we dated before either of us were really damaged. But, that would no longer be true when it was all over.

He was the first person to truly challenge my enoughness. In the end, after 2 years of on again, off again commitment then break-ups followed by make-ups, I had enough. The line had been crossed too many times and I no longer trusted him with my heart. In a style I can only describe as uniquely his, he made one swooping last grand gesture which was that of movie status to win back my affection. But, it was too late.

Although, I never forgot what he said to me in his final romantic comedy “Say Anything” style monologue. I couldn’t believe him. So I didn’t. And as I told him so, I watched those tender words turn into sadness, frustration, and eventually anger towards me. He simply went too far and said too much after that. We both left broken.

I think I was the one who drew the hard and fast line of protection around myself. He reached out for awhile shortly after, but I refused to respond. I saw him in a bar in LA a few years later, but I couldn’t face him and blended quickly into the crowd and out the door. 10 years went by and now here we are, me in my 30’s and him in his 40’s completely changed, but also oddly the same.

Now as I mentioned, he reached out to me over a year ago. At the time I had been through a trainwreck of triple tragedy and was just coming out the other side. I was too afraid to respond. I didn’t trust myself or him, maybe. I guess in the end I was protecting my peace.

But, now here I am, a year older and another Mercury Retrograde later headed into a brand new decade. So, I decided now was the time to be brave, deal with those old wounds, and simply start the conversation I never knew I needed to have.

What happened next reinforced what I believe to be the definition of spiritual intervention or what I like to call universal magic. Despite how much time had passed he responded right away. We both found ourselves at a place in our lives where we had all the tools to have a long overdue, but beautiful talk. He, like me had been through a year of trauma and had been working on himself through therapy and the like, which lead to a following year of transformation.

He had reached out to tell me how sorry he was for the hurt he’d caused me all those years before and offer me the apology I never knew I needed. Almost instantly I could feel the decaying chi release from some sticky place within my body where old feelings had been held captive. Not only could I forgive him now, but I could really listen to him in a way I had never been able to before.

As we slowly opened Pandora’s painful box and reflected back on our relationship, I realized that while the architecture of old hurts still remained I couldn’t remember any actual details of the blueprint of our troubled past. Yes, I vaguely knew what happened or didn’t happen between us in those terrible times. But, the beautiful memories we had made together were still perfectly intact. Which, I think is what forgiveness truly is.

So as we make our way through the retrograde with the next decade waiting for us on the other side, ask yourself where you need closure. Maybe by confronting the past you’ll open the door for an unexpectedly sweet future.

I had to let go of the old and am now ready to make way for the new. What happens next? Stay tuned.

Abundantly,

BE.